Results tagged ‘ Johnny Damon ’
MERRY TEX-MAS!!
Oh my god, what an offseason. I mean, wow. We’ve got Mark Teixeira!
Just amazing. The Yankees of old are back and wiser. Sure, we thought we were all set with Carl Pavano and Jaret Wright, but this is CC Sabathia, AJ Burnett, and Mark Teixeira (and almost surely another pitcher) we’re talking about! They have real track records. Well, Burnett not so much, but we seem to be convinced he’s healthy. Back to Teixeira. It’s an 8 year contract worth up to $180 million with a no-trade clause (something that he surely required after being traded out of both Texas and Atlanta). What a strange offseason it was for Teixeira. He started out asking for 10 years and a destination by Christmas. 10 years was not going to happen, and it started out with the Nationals, Orioles, and Angels in the running for him. Then the Red Sox jumped in, and were very close to a deal, then suddenly “not a factor”. Then the Angels drew out. Just yesterday, the Nationals seemed to be the frontrunners. Then the Yanks swooped in and grabbed him, culminating his offseason, and he got his wish, same as many many Yankee fans.
I’m now looking forward to a roster that looks something like this:
ROTATION
or 
or 
or 
in the 4-5 spots.
BULLPEN
LINEUP
LF 
SS 
1B 
3B 
RF 
C 
DH 
2B 
CF 
or 
or someone better…
BENCH
Something like that… Of course, A-Rod could hit third and Tex cleanup, but yeah. You get my point. One move has made our roster MUCH MUCH deeper. If we don’t make the playoffs now, I’m gonna be pissed…. But we shouldn’t have to worry about that, I think. It would seem that we’re going all out for Number 27 in ’09. We have now signed 2 of the 4 super free agents (Sabathia, K-Rod, Tex, Manny). We could still make it 3, even though now I don’t think it’s a requirement to sign Manny. It’d be a nice bonus, but it’s not vital. We do have another pitcher coming, though.
The Angels are reportedly out of the Manny race, leaving the Dodgers and Yankees as his only serious pursuers at this point. Without much competition, if the Yankees sign Manny and another pitcher, it could go down as the best offseason in history and give us a Murderer’s Row and, in the words of Vanessa, a Murderer’s Row-tation.
In the first two games in Yankee Stadium, exhibition contests versus the Cubs, bleacher seats will be sold at 25 cents, same as Opening Day 1923. Sadly, I will not be able to join in these festivities, but I would snatch up a couple of those tickets if I were you.
Thank you and goodnight.
The Truth — Revealed!
I have two shocking truths to reveal to MLBlog nation this afternoon. I’ll just launch right into the first one, one that involves a key free agent of this offseason — Mr. Manny Ramirez.
Here is my theory as to why he will not become the selfish man-child of old should he sign with the Yankees — except when we’re in Boston.
You remember the mystery of Manny’s secret room in the Green Monster? Some may say it’s just a normal room, they’ve seen the inside of it, but my theory is this: It is secretly his portal to Narnia, and he’s the only one who knows how to get there.
No, little English children do not, in fact, rule Narnia. It is Manny Ramirez who goes into his secret room and rules for many thousands of years. When he comes out, mere minutes have passed on this earth. However, he has forgotten how to play baseball in his thousands of years in Narnia. This explains his crazy behavior. Someone knows about this other than him, and they remind him how to play baseball. He realizes he has mad skills, and he is happy making millions of dollars doing something that comes naturally to him.
Happy Manny is Good Manny.
However, he is drawn back to Narnia. He wants to rule again. So he does. It’s usually after games, but a few times he can’t stand it and goes back to it in the middle of the game. Once, he had to rush back out, and there was only time to tell him to catch the ball. Manny obeyed, and I’ve just explained the formerly inexplicable: His diving cutoff of Johnny Damon’s throw. You remember that, correct?
Anyway, about a quarter of the way through this season, Narnia was taken over by the White Witch (the evil one, you remember?).
This, naturally, didn’t sit well with Mr. Manny.
He was so unhappy he couldn’t cheer himself up with baseball anymore. He was tired of it, and everyone in Boston got angry about it. He requested a trade so that he wouldn’t be drawn back to Narnia. So he went to the Dodgers.
Finally happy, he led the Dodgers to the playoffs. So now, as long as we’re not in Boston, Manny will be a good leftfielder. Thank you for listening.
I have one more shocking truth. I present: What REALLY happened to Plaxico Burress.
Thank you and good night.
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